


Before and After

by adrianna_m_scovill



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24571651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrianna_m_scovill/pseuds/adrianna_m_scovill
Summary: This is a peace offering for Michelle since I detoured from finishing the fic she actually wants to write Kneefba and Nevactacus - even though I know this will satisfy nothing for anybody ;)
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 116





	Before and After

“You look very handsome,” Benson said, surveying Noah with a smile. He was dressed in a black tux and white shirt, with a black bow tie. His curls—badly in need of a cut, in her opinion—had been tamed, at least temporarily. “What’s wrong?” she asked, noting his less-than-thrilled expression. He’d been excited about the suit, and their plans for the evening, up until a few minutes ago.

“It’s not real,” Noah said, gesturing toward the tie at his throat.

“Nobody can tell it’s a clip-on, honey,” she assured him. “It looks perfect, and anyway, lots of people wear—”

“Uncle Rafa wears real ones,” Noah interrupted, frowning up at her.

“Yes, well, Uncle Rafael has a bigger selection than you, and you don’t have a real bow tie. If you want to wear a regular tie—”

“No! It’s supposed to be a bow!”

“Noah, don’t raise your voice at me,” she answered calmly. “We can buy you another tie for next time, but for now this is your only option for a bow. I promise you, it looks very nice.”

Noah was scowling, but he didn’t want to risk ruining the evening he’d been looking forward to for weeks. “Fine,” he said grudgingly. A moment later his expression brightened when there was a knock on the door, and he rushed past her to answer it.

“Noah,” she started, meaning to warn him about opening the door without asking who was outside, but he remembered before she told him.

He hesitated, hand stretched toward the doorknob, and called out: “Who is it?”

“Rafael Barba, requesting admittance,” came the solemn answer from the other side of the door, and Benson smiled to herself. She watched as Noah, vibrating with excitement, threw the door wide and launched himself at Barba for a hug.

Barba, to his credit, caught the boy’s embrace despite his obvious surprise. He laughed, patting Noah’s back before holding the boy’s shoulder to look him over. “You’ve grown,” he remarked. “Are you driving, yet?”

“No,” Noah giggled. “Are you?”

Barba threw his head back to laugh, and Benson felt a flush of warmth at the carefree sound. He looked so much healthier, and happier, than he had the last time she’d seen him in person. “I thought the beard was only for Iowa,” she said as he stepped past Noah and closed the door behind himself.

Barba looked at her, his eyes sparkling with humor and affection, his whole face crinkling with his smile. “I’m afraid of the tan line.”

She laughed, but said, “You do look like you got some sun. Standing out in cornfields?”

“You know what they say.”

“‘If you build it, they will come?’” she guessed.

“‘Corn don’t grow in the snow,’” he said, grinning, and she laughed again.

“Right, my mistake.”

“Don’t worry, I was just as surprised.”

“It should be, _doesn’t_ grow,” Noah said.

Barba winked at him. “Absolutely correct, I’ll inform Iowa immediately.” He looked at Benson and caught her eyeing the plastic container in his hand, but he didn’t offer it for inspection. Instead, his gaze ran down the length of her body, noting the way her dress hugged her curves, and he cleared his throat. “You look nice,” he said, his voice deceptively mild.

“Thank you,” she answered, trying not to read into the darkness of his eyes when they met hers, or the flush of heat tingling her skin. She’d opted for a plain black dress, but she knew it fit her well. “So do you,” she told him, and his nose crinkled as he smiled at her. She looked him over—he and Noah were both going to be overdressed for the theater but she knew that Barba was only wearing a tux to help foster Noah’s excitement for their big night on the town.

She glanced at Noah and saw that his expression had already fallen a bit, though. He’d caught sight of Barba’s red bow tie, and she felt a stab of regret. She should’ve asked Barba what he would be wearing so she could coordinate Noah to match.

“Is everybody ready?” Barba asked, glancing at his watch.

“Just need to grab my coat,” Benson answered.

“Yes,” Noah said. He made a valiant effort to match his earlier enthusiasm. “Is it very cold out?”

“It’s pretty cold, but don’t worry, you can take your jacket and scarf off when we get to the restaurant,” Barba said, easily picking up on the fact that Noah wanted to show off the suit. “Oh, that reminds me,” he added, sounding a little too casual as he reached into his pocket. “I brought you something, just in case.” He held it up, and waited while Noah looked at it with polite curiosity.

“Is it a tie?” the boy finally asked, sounding cautiously hopeful.

“It is. It’s a bow tie like mine, we just have to tie it. You don’t have to—”

“Mom!” Noah exclaimed, snatching the tie out of Barba’s hand to whirl toward her. “A real one! Red, like Uncle Rafa’s!”

“I see that,” she said, feeling suddenly and unexpectedly emotional in the face of her son’s delight. “What do you say?”

Noah ripped off his clip-on and tossed it onto the couch. “Help me tie it,” he told Barba.

“Noah—”

“ _Please_ ,” Noah added quickly before his mother could finish chastising him. “Thank you, Uncle Raf!”

Barba seemed a little bemused by Noah’s excitement, but he smiled as he sank into a crouch in front of the boy. “You’re getting too tall for this,” he murmured. He didn’t ask Noah, who was bouncing excitedly, to hold still as he worked to tuck the tie beneath the boy’s collar. “Little different than in the mirror. I’m not used to doing this for other guys,” he commented.

Noah beamed.

“There you go,” Barba said when he’d finished, giving the red bow a little tweak to make sure it was straight. “Why don’t you go check out my work.” He chuckled as Noah raced off to find a mirror.

“I hope you realize how happy you’ve made him,” Benson said as Barba picked up his plastic container and rose to his feet.

“I’m sensing.” He paused, looking down at the carton, seeming suddenly nervous. “I, um. Brought you something, as well.” He held it out so she could see through the window on top.

“A corsage?” she asked in surprise, looking from the red flower back to his face. “Are we going to prom?”

“I wasn’t sure if a bow tie would go with your outfit,” he joked, offering a crooked smile. He shrugged. “You don’t have to wear it, obviously. It was symbolic—”

“Are you kidding?” she cut in as Noah came back into the room. “Go out with my two favorite guys and not _match_? Even though I could never compete with you two,” she added, exchanging a smile with her son.

“No, not a fair competition,” Barba agreed, popping open the plastic carton. He smiled at her exasperated look, and said, “You’d run circles around us in a paper sack, but in that dress?” He arched an eyebrow.

“I won’t be running anywhere in this dress,” she muttered, holding out her arm, and he laughed quietly as he slipped the flowers onto her wrist. “You realize they probably thought you were buying this for your daughter.”

“Hmm. Maybe,” he agreed. He glanced at Noah, then back at her, and said, “And yet, I’m somehow the second-youngest person in the room.”

“Smartass,” she said under her breath, although she couldn’t keep the smile from her lips.

* * *

In the two years that had passed since his departure from the Manhattan DA’s office, Barba had begun to think of his life in two parts: _Before_ and _After_. For a long time, he’d thought the split had happened at the moment of Drew Householder’s physical death. Certainly, Barba’s own life had changed irrevocably at that moment.

He’d come to realize that the line wasn’t so sharply-drawn, though. It was both fuzzy and jagged, and it had taken him too long to realize that it had nothing to do with his career. It wasn’t Before Drew and After, or Before and After SVU.

His life was divided into Before Liv and After Liv. Nothing in his life had changed him as profoundly as Olivia Benson, and nothing had ever hurt as badly as walking away from her. She was the thing for which he was most grateful. She was also his biggest regret.

It had taken him too long to understand, but he thought there was still a chance to atone for his mistakes.

“Are you sure you’ve got him?” she asked quietly as he adjusted Noah in his arms. The boy was sound asleep with his head on Barba’s shoulder.

“I promise I won’t drop your son,” Barba answered as they walked, casting her a sideways smile. She’d already fished out her keys, and he stopped to wait while she unlocked her apartment door. Noah was breathing softly, his warm breath fanning Barba’s neck. He’d barely stirred when Barba had hauled him out of the back of the Lyft.

“Believe me, I’m not worried about that.” She looked over at him, pausing with her hand on the doorknob. “We’ve all come a long way since the last time you held him.”

“He was a lot lighter then.” He considered, and admitted: “I’ve missed seeing him grow up.” Pictures and video chats weren’t the same as spending real, significant time with the boy, and Barba—as his arms had begun to ache beneath Noah’s weight, as he felt the soft puffs of breath from a child who, against all odds, trusted him implicitly to carry him to safety—was hit with the hard reality of how much he’d missed.

“He’s got a lot of growing up to do, still,” she said, but she sounded wistful. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, turning on the light. She held the door for Barba and closed it behind him. “Although he’ll be talking about tonight for months. The highlight of his year. I was afraid it wouldn’t be able to live up to his expectations, but I should’ve known you wouldn’t miss a detail.”

“It was a good night,” he said, walking beside her toward Noah’s bedroom. “We should do it again.”

“Sure. If you’re around.” She turned on Noah’s light and folded back his covers.

“I’m around.”

She smiled at Barba. “If you can just lay him down, I’ll get him undressed.” She watched as Barba carefully laid the boy on the bed. Noah grumbled but didn’t wake. Barba brushed his curls back and bent down to kiss his forehead, acting on instinct. When he straightened and looked at Benson, he was caught off guard by the tears shimmering in her eyes, but she spoke before he could think of anything to say. “I’ll be a few minutes, if you want to wait.”

“Of course,” he said, hoping he hadn’t overstepped. He considered asking if she wanted him to pour drinks, but he didn’t want to assume he was invited to stay any longer than it would take for her to say whatever she wanted to say to him. So, he settled for, “I’ll be in the other room if you need help.”

“Thanks, Rafael,” she answered, touching his arm for a moment before turning toward the bed. Barba nodded once and left her alone with her son.

He paced nervously for a few minutes, unsure what to do with himself. There were no dishes to be washed in the kitchen sink. He picked up the few toys scattered around the living room and put them in the trunk against the wall. When Benson emerged from the bedroom, he was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking at the array of framed photos adorning the top of the bookshelf.

He turned to face her when she walked toward him. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, he barely woke up. Just enough to ask if you were gone, I said he’d see you again soon.”

“I was thinking we could go to the zoo tomorrow, if you don’t have plans? If it’s not too cold, we could—” He stopped when she put a hand against his chest, swallowed as his heart sped up beneath her palm.

“It’s good to see you, you know,” she said. They’d just spent several hours together, dinner and then Noah’s first Broadway show, but Barba knew what she meant.

“Yes,” he agreed quietly, chewing the inside of his cheek for a few seconds as he regarded her. His breath hitched when she leaned forward, and he touched a hand to her bare arm automatically. “Liv,” he said, his eyes dropping to her mouth. He hesitated, but she leaned closer until he could feel her soft breath against his lips, and he dragged his gaze back up to hers. He searched her eyes and tipped his head, barely breathing.

“Mommy?”

Barba froze at the sound of Noah’s voice calling out from the bedroom, but Benson didn’t immediately pull away. “ _Now_ he wakes up,” she said quietly, and Barba’s lips curved into a small smile. She let out a soft sigh against his mouth. “Hold this thought,” she murmured, her lips tickling his.

“Forever,” he agreed, and her smile brushed his for only a heartbeat.

“I’ll be right back,” she promised.

“I’ll be right here,” he answered.


End file.
